Bed-Wetter

So I finally found the one place on earth that is hotter and more humid than Washington DC in July: the AMAZON. The first night I was in my bungalow--not much more than mosquito netting on stilts over the Amazon--I literally had a rude awakening. I woke up at about 3AM and thought I had reverted back to being a first grader....Yep, I thought I had pissed myself. Fortunately, it wasn't piss. The Amazon is just that humid. My sheets were drenched from the humidity. Not a little damp. Drenched. I was doing the 200 meter backstroke in my sheets.

I also discovered a corollary to the law of the jungle, ¨eat or be eaten.¨ The new corollary is ¨sweat or be eaten (by mosquitos).¨ I´ve never felt stupider in my life. Here it is 100 degrees, and now 5000% humidity, and I am throwing on shirts, long underwear, a rain coat, long pants, and huge boots. The alternative is not pretty. Our guide showed us some musquitos that were 8 inches big. (Although I´ve been known to exaggerate, I am not kidding about the mosquitos. Some were the size of my hand.) You may be asking yourself ¨why didn´t he just throw on a little insect repellent? It would have saved him from having to re-hydrate via an IV drip every 20 minutes.¨ I was wearing 98% DEET. You can´t find DEET that strong for sale in very many places: perhaps on the black market in Pakistan or from an arms dealer in Moscow. (I got mine in New Jersey....) There is a reason DEET that strong comes with a warning label longer than War and Peace. You can actually feel it burn when you apply it to your skin. Anyway, the DEET advertising is pure crap. The Amazon mosquitos are drawn to that stuff like bears to honey.

All kidding aside, the Amazon is spectacularly gorgeous. I got to see dozens of animals including tucans, parrots, monkeys, three-toed sloths, huge tarantulas, butterflys the size of my head (and you all know how big my noggin is), PINK dolphins, caimans (like an alligator), woodpeckers, and of course piranas. I endured many a cruel joke from the other 6 people on the trip when we went fishing. All were very happy to point out the irony of a lawyer fishing for piranas.

I am back in the airport in Lima, Peru. I fly tonight for Santiago, Chile. There, I will catch an 8 hour bus to take me to Mendoza, Argentina, where I will hopefully be greeted by a slab of dead cow, some french fries, and a glass of Malbec (Argentinian wine). I´ll spend a week there with my a good friend and former co-worker, Robert Telchin. Hopefully, they don´t have mosquitos in Argentina.

As usual, click on this last picture (the water lillies) to see more of the Amazon. Not many pictures turned out well. I will post a second batch in the coming days. Ciao for now.

AMAZON!